Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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