Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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