he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
