It's like God shit irony all over that family
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
