She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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