Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I came so hard my ears popped.
You don't make any sense
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