Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize