In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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