Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
