I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
