Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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