hell yes lets make some ravioli
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
