Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
