Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
