i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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