i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm gonna fight the coyote
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
