Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
