I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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