Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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