wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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