I cannot find my penis.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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