He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize