I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
