I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
