so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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