I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I didn't notice because vodka
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
