I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Are we still banned from the library?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
