...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
