the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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