Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
