how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
