I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
