why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
