I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize