Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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