I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
her facebook's as public as her vagina
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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