The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
