I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
