I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
