We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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