this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
