apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
