Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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