Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
