Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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