He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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