So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
