im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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