Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
