So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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