he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she told me i tasted like america
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
