Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
