I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
