What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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