Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
