shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
