I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My pussy is not your playground.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
