He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
