Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize