So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
