I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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