Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
