trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
