wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
