I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize