so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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